rar. im having one of my "moments"
I want to scream and through things.
I don't want to feel anything at all, and yet I DO.
Mostly just anger, and slight jealousy, but mostly deep
cutting hatred.
I didn't use to know hate.
It was completely superficial before.
I know hate.
You can only truly hate those you once let close to you.
Because of betrayal.
This is all out of no-where but recent episodes with Ory and Jehramy, plus some talking over with my
friend Jen, I blame __.
ruined.
not even ruin. but much more cynical.
_________ no longer exist. Isn't real and will not ever be acknowledged again.
for protection alone, a self defense mechanism. torn inside at times
to stay silent. a slight longing, for reasons unknown.
a forced silence, for no reason other than to be silent.
Passing memories, flash of hurt masked well with thick loathing.
desire to force pain upon.... but equal desire to refuse existince.
so many words, phrases, disconcernable feelings. to be emphasized
yet smothered for the frutility they would mean.
past past
ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
memory still exists... spotless mind desired.
forced amnesia to be found?
as if yet no
no cure. invisibility to world...desire to be found yet walls built so strong.
seemingly undestructable. none willing to face the challenge, adds bricks to walls.
why why
the endless question.
repent repent
questions asked agian. answers worth nothing, questions, nothing.
pain pain feel pain endless pain. not for me, you alone.
happiness and lonliness collide and form me
wretching pain burning pain. feel, cry, realize
repent.
question "why"
no answers feel pain. beg
denied.
do it or face death yet die anyway.
only end. only sasiable ending.
smiles for future
i will.
behind smiles, welcoming love for all
pain pain, pain for you
and watch you collapse
laughter
repent
and live.
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